英国流男ロワイヤル -- 君は縦列駐車ができるか

Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in a studio in Swansea with Mr. Chris Corcoran.

That is Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, Ballad of the Mighty I , and I ... I like that. Do you? / I like that a lot. / I like that. He's been in the paper this week, Noel Gallagher, having a pop at the leaders. / 新聞で政治家に怒っていた / He's one of the coolest people on the planet, I think. / Is he? / He and Bradley Wiggins. / Who's Bradley Wiggins? / You know, the cyclist. / Oh, the cyclist. / The mod cyclist. / For some reason, when you said Bradley Wiggins, part of my brain was thinking Bradley Walsh ... and the other one was thinking Dennis Higgins. / Who's Dennis Higgins? / I don't know. / Do you mean Alex Higgins, the snooker player? / No. I meant ... / There's no one called Dennis Higgins. / No, I meant Dennis Taylor, the snooker player, actually. And now you've said it, I think that's what happened in my mind. / God, that's a confusing little bundle of thoughts there. / What were we talking about? / 何の話だっけ / How do you get through life, like, daily, day to day? If that's the filter that everything's being passed through in your brain ... / It's not the filter everything's being passed through. I don't instantly go, "Hang on a minute. Can I relate this to Alex Higgins or Dennis Taylor? / No. I mean your brain being the filter. / I don't think "Which snooker player is that?" / hey, this ... / __ __ fairly easy __ __ __ __ if your point of references is always Dennis Taylor ... / Hey, if you talk about actual truth, listen to this: "According to the Sun today, ... / Yeah? / ... "... one in six ..." I can't believe this / OK. / What do you ... / Yeah? / What ... / Have you compared it to Dennis Taylor? Have you just ... / I haven't ... I haven't put it through my 1980s snooker-player filter yet. / I hope this is comparable to Dennis Taylor now. / Yeah. ... Apparently, according to the Sun, one in six snooker players ... one in six British people, / Yes? / It doesn't say men or women. Let's assume both, right? / Yeah. / That's people in it / Hang on a minute. / That's people in it. / Hang on a minute. Let me take my boots off. / OK. / my ... my feet are hot. / Yeah. / Right. / Are you all right now? / Yeah, thanks. / Do you want a little foot massage? / Not now. / Do you want to take your socks off? / "Not now?" / during the news, maybe / during the news, maybe / "That would be nice, Korkey, if you don't mind doing that." / Listen. Let me say this fact about chips / 言わせろよ / Sorry. / I say "fact", ... what do you dunk chips in? / Uh ... / I want a comprehensive list. / Oh, OK. Uh ... ketchup, / yeah, / mayonnaise, / standard, / uh ... gravy ... I guess it's a push. / Yeah. / I don't ... / ... That's not a push. That's fine. / OK. ... I don't dip them in, uh, mushy peas, but I, sort of ... it's sort of liquidy, depending on how mushy the peas are. So, mushy peas, / Yeah, / Uh ... that's probably it for me. / Do you know anyone ... how old are you now? / 42. / 42? / Hmm. / I'm 46. / Huh huh. / So, we've got a combined age of 88. / Yes. / Yeah. It's a good break. It's a good break in anyone's book, innit? / 誰から見ても、悪くないブレイクショットだ。 / Especially back in the 80's. / Good solid break, that is. / Before he had those glasses / he never used to make breaks like that / メガネをかける前はそんなブレイクショットはできなかったよね / break like that, especially if we do it quickly like Higgins. ... Right. So, we've got 88 years of experience between us. ... How many people do you know who dunk their chips in something really, like, weird, where you'd have gone, "What? You ... what's that about?" / Nobody, Rhod. / Nobody? / Nobody. / Right. Now, ask me. / How many people do you know / Nobody. I know what you were gonna say "nobody". Nobody. That's 88 years of experience. / 88 年の人生経験の結果として言わせてもらう / Yeah. / I've never met anyone ... / Yeah, / ... who dipped their chips in other __ ... I will add to your list / Sure. / People at home might be thinking about curry sauce / oh yeah, of course / sorry, I ... sorry, that was reminiscent of me to leave that out. / Exactly. People at home would be going, "What about Cliff Thorburn?", obviously as well. Of course Cliff Thorburn / He didn't use curry sauce, though. / But ... / He'd get it all over his mustache. He used to dip it in anything. / ソースは口ひげにまとわりついて大変だったんだよ / He likes dry chips. / ... But, uh ... listen. So, that's 88 years of experience, we've got red sauce, brown sauce, ... possibly, but let's include that in ketchup / ブラウンソースはケチャップに含めよう / right? Of course. / yeah / uh ... mayonnaise, curry sauce ... / yeah, / gravy ... / yeah, / mushy peas ... Bear in mind, __ we've got 88 years of experience, we don't know anyone, we've never / I've never even seen anyone ... from, uh ... even in a cafe / oh my god / that fella over there / Nor me. Not even __ drunk __ really late at night / when your ... you know, just ... your discerning aspect of your brain __ what you are actually eating is much less profound, isn't it? / おかまいなしになる / yeah, yeah. __ I've never seen that either / never seen that either / one in six / j__ better, so / one in six / there / like / 80 million peeopl in the UK ... / No, there's not / Oh. It's sixty million people / sixty million, yeah / you just guess / "All right, sixty / all right / it's about sixty million / it's about sixty million / one in six ... so, ten million people, / ten million people, / we've never come across / __ collective years / Right. This is good. This is good j__. / One in six Brits dunks chips in unusual stuff like ... soup, ... / Shut up. / I've never seen that. / Nor've I. What's it all about? Bread? You idiot. / Wait. That's just, that's, uh ... this is the, uh ... that's your "gateway" sauce. / No. / Listen to this ... / That's the soft-weird__ in it, is it? / Yeah. ... Soup, milk shake ... / ... Stop reading it. It's ridiculous. It's ... rubbish. / __ __ __ __ batter / Uh, Madness. / I just can't believe that. / That's ridiculous. / I don't believe that / have you seen anyone ... if you know anyone / we've got 88 collective years, never seen anything. So, let us know.

You've torn a bit of paper out of the ... out of the ... one of the __s. What is it? / Yes. "Monkey made heir to fortune". / Yeah. I saw that. / I love the idea of this because ... / I saw that late last night on the BBC "Also in the News" section. / Hmm. It's the practicality of this, once it is put into place. That is the thing that I think is an interesting area here. / A wealthy In... / hey, mate, you are not Jeremy Vine. __ __ __ interesting ... / quite a good __ / let's get to the nub of this. / Yeah. / What's the interesting area, Korkey? / Yeah. The interesting area is, once this is put in place, how this would manifest itself in daily life. ... "A wealthy Indian couple have made their pet monkey their sole heir, and say he will inherit all their money and land after they die. / How much has he got, this monkey? / Uh ... it doesn't say. ... Huh, that's not much good, is it? It doesn't say. ... But, anyway, they'd apparently brought up the monkey like a son, that they adopted ... they adopted ... / how far / go with that? / adopted in 24 ... 2004. Um ... / They can't have brought him up exactly like their son / he's 10 years old / Is he? Isn't that a little short, son? / That's the image, isn't it? / Yeah. / little c__ .... little c__ __ __ j__ William B__, is he? / __ __ __ __ __ / his name is Chunmun ... / Of course it is. / Uh ... "... and they've been made an outcast for marrying against their families' wishes." Huh, that's what this is all about. They're making a statement, aren't they? / They've upset the family. / They've upset the family. / They've upset the family and they've gone ... two fingers to the family, / we are leaving all our money to a monkey / also, do you wanna know what he's inheriting? I've found it. / Uh, ... of course / So, um ... so, S__ __,the bloke, I think, is a high-flying lawer ... oh, no, sorry. I do apologize. / Oh, you sexist. / ... wife. / Oh, you sexist. / 48 years old businessman __ ... 48 year-old / businessman husband own__ several companies / So, this is what the monkey's gonna inherit, / including a TV station ... and a flour mil. / Really? / Yeah. "... all of which have been named after the monkey, Chunmun. / Yeah. He ... / So, he's got a TV station and a flour mill. / See? The fact that they'd already named those things after the monkey, ... It wasn't just they fell out of the family. They were gonna leave it to hime anyway. / Now, there is more to this. But how ... / how would you run a flour mill and a TV station, though? / 製粉所とテレビ局か。どうやって経営するのだろう？ / Well, how would you run / this monkey will be in charge of. I mean, how does that practically work? If he's legally in charge of the staff, how would you actually run the business from that point on, Rhod? ... This is __ Jeremy __ / I don't know, mate. You are asking the wrong person. / We could __ / How am I supposed to ... how am I supposed to know how we run a business with a monkey? / __ __ __ feature if you want. Jot it down. / To be honest, of all people I know, you are one of the first people I'd come to __ seek for a solution to this. / ... If you're running a business with a monkey, what I would do is, um ... __ ... well, it depends. It's very different for different businesses. / You know, you've got ... OK. This / so, let's go __ the TV station. __ __ __ TV station, you've got researchers, directors, producers __ __ studio ... right? You've got an office where the ... the guy owns __ __ / which is clearly __ __ __ gonna be the monkey's / Yeah. / Yeah? So, first day, the lawyer introduces __ the monkey as their new boss, the monkey comes in, eats __ __ __, / I admire the fact that you're ... / ... sits at the desk ... / I admire your tenacity in ... tanacity in visioning throughout the monkey thing. What I think would happn is, uh, ... I don't ... I don't know. I think he's gonna ... the responsibility will all be too much for him anyway. / Well, quite. / I think of the stress of it. / He'd find it very hard to cope, wouldn't he? / I think of the stress of it / having __ flour mill / I don't know where to start / also, all / people / holding brainstorming and blue-sky thinking meetings, you know, that he's supposed to be in charge of / he's gonna be pretty confused, isn't he? / What is gonna happen? If anybody / out there / have you left / left / not / company / maybe / left some shares to a dog or something, who can give us some insight / Yeah, exactly. / I don't know. Uh, ... what else have we got in the newspaper? ... There's ... here's another animal story, that is, uh ... a little, a little, uh ... / I like animal stories. / I like / They are way forward, aren't they? You can't go wrong with animal stories / Look at this. This is cute, right? ... See. This is more like it. This is more like the efforts you should ... there's a little horse here, right?/ Huh. That's a great start. / He's ... he's only 43 inches tall. / Huh. / How tall is that? / Is he meant to be? / Yeah, he's meant to be, yeah. / OK. So, it's a pygmy horse. / Oh, hang on a minute. Let me check. ... Yeah. __ __ just __ __ deliberate 42 inches tall / Huh. Good for him. / yeah, yeah, __'s made him small. Uh ... he's forty ... / Is that tall? How tall is 43 inches? How many hands is that? __ __ __ measure ponies in hands? / yeah. ... probably about five hands? / ... Is it? / Look, well, look, one, two, three ... / This is good radio. / ... four / four, / five. / Yeah. / it's about that / much / That's about right, innit? / I don't know / That looks like a pygmy horse. / Does it? / between / you wouldn't go / horse / I never said it was ... I never said it was a pigmy horse. / Oh. / I said it was a Shetland pony. / Oh, he's a Shetland pony? Oh, he's small for a Shetland pony. / Is he? ... 43 ... anyway ... / hands __ __ normal pony __ __ like this: one, two, three, four ... / Do you know what, uh ... do you know what they did for him? He, uh ... / Did someone leave him a ... a business in a will? / You know / a radio station? / You know when horses ... / go to __ stables / No. / Well ... / Let me just describe. / __ __ imagine __ __ / Let me paint the scene for you. / OK. / You go to a stable / Am I going in a car? Am I going on my own? / yeah, you / you go / in a car / you go / and, when you / drive into the yard, right? / Sure. G__. G__ yard. Yeah. Yeah. / you see the monkey boss over there in the corner. He __ give__ you __ __ __ / In his j__s? Way too big, way too big, dragging his j__s behind him. / When you go driving __ __ stable, all the horses are looking over __ little things / interested in, horses. / Yeah. But they've got their food in their with them, haven't they? / 餌は馬小屋に置いてあるだろ / Uh, it depends on whether __ __ y__. / Anyway, / but they stick / bear in mind that a monkey's in charge / looking out __ out of curiosity, aren' they? / OK. Might be. / I think ... I think it's just like us / looking out the window, just ... / it could be either, couldn't it? / it's hard to know / outside your house ... / yeah / ... and you go to the window / better be food in this / horse / Well, __ __ this __ __ Shetland pony / anyway / over the top of anything / OK / only three hands / Boom ! / さあ、核心に迫るぞ / there / now / getting there / Right. / Now we are getting there / they made him a cat flap? / that / you would have thought so? / Yeah. / So, basically, dr ... horse is looking over the top. He's only ... he can't see through it. So, when he ... / Huh. He wants to see what's going on / look out the door, __ __ __ his door / 見えるのは戸だけだ / Huh. That's a shame / granny / when you are a kid / you know / bringing presents / you / see her arrive, don't you? / go standing / closed door / just / see through it / my point is / when she __ open__ it, she __ flatten you. ... Anyway, no, they didn't do a cat flap. / OK. / That's what I would have done. ... I would have done a porthole. / Yeah. A window. / Yeah. / Porthole? __ __ __ __ submarine. / __ __ __ __ a round window. ... It doesn't have to be round. It could be any shape, but. / Either that, or a square window. / OK. A little square window. / ... They didn't do that. / OK. What did they do, Rhod? / They built him a periscope. / It's absolutely true. Look, there he is, looking out ... he's looking through the top. All he does is, he wanders up to the door and looks through a periscope, and then he see __ __ top. He can see them coming but they can't see him. / Huh. That's a lovely idea. / It is. ... Let's have some music. I'm losing a will to live here.

Huh. Look at this. Huh. ... Tracy and Rosy, this is from. I don't know ... I don't know if that's two girls, a girl and a dog, a girl and a cat ... I don't know. I don't know what it is. / OK. / But listen to this flirtatious email. / Really? / Huh? / She's trying to put an image in our head here. And, at the moment, what I've got __ very happy with Chris __, Dennis Taylor and B__ W__ / I'm very happy having those three swirling around in my mind. And now Tracy and Rosy, whatever they are, are trying to put a different one in there / Huh, look out. / Hi Rhod and Korkey ... / Hi. / ... just ... / ... Is that how it __ written? / so it is in my head. / OK. / Hi Rhod and Korkey, ... / Hi / ... just about to have a pamper in the bath ... / Woo / ... while listening to you both. / So, we build __ image __ __ go / So, I'm seeing / rose petals, candles, j__, / Yeah. / froth ... you know, a bubble bath ... / I've got Rosy __ __ dog / that's different / That's hard for you. / Why would you tell us that, Tracy? / Come on, Tracy. / ... that you are just about to pamper in the bath there ... Come on. What are you trying? Are you trying to throw us off? Because we have concentration of steel, let me tell you that, although I can tell you, I've just looked across at Korkey, and he was lost. / ... Mind you, so __ __ __. / this one of the most disturbing starts to a sentence I've ever read in my life. / Huh. / From __ __ on Twitter, this has come in ... / OK. / This is one of those ... this is one of those tweets __ something you read and go "Oh my god / and then you read / end / it's OK. / Really? / I like to use my chips to mop up the blood on my plate ... / Wow. / Wow. / Imagine if it ... / ... when I have a steak cooked rare. / ... Hhhh. / Thank ... thank goodness. / Oh my word. Oh my word. I was ... I'll tell you what. That almost nudged Dennis Taylor off my head. That did.

"Canadian MP ..." Did you see this? "... blames tight underpants." / No. What for? / Oh, I love this. I love this story. ... I love this story. It's a Canadian MP, / Yeah? / ... said he had to leave parliament, right? / Yeah, / ... in a hurry, he says. ... / "Mr. Martin ..." ... right? He's a Canadian MP. / Huh huh. / Uh ... he ... in one of the most original excuses ever heard for leaving parliament in a hurry, he says, "They had men's underwear on for half price / パンツが半額だったんですよ / ... right? ... "I bought a bunch of pants ..." ... and he found it difficult to sit for any length of time because the pants are too tight. / So, he impulse-bought pants, and then put them on and __ __ thought __ __ __ they weren't. They were too tight. / there's nothing wrong in impulse-bying pants. / パンツを「衝動買う」こと自体は別に悪いことではない / Of course not. / Right? / We've all ... / __ __ __ enjoyable impulse buys / I / impulse buy / why ... The other day I impulse-bought some, uh, pants, but it turned out to be little brief pants, which I don't wear. / That's the sort of problem in impulse-buying. / 衝動買いってそういうもんだよ / You know what kind of pants Greg Davies wears? / Awful. / You know those little ... / those little pants / Yeah. A giant wearing small briefs. / Yeah, those little Tom Daley pants. That's what Greg wears. That's what I ended up ... / __ __ __ / he does. That's what I ended up. He hasn't got ... he hasn't got Tom Daley's physique, fair to say. / No, believe it or not. / I ended up with buying / I don't know why. Why / end up / got the image / yeah, so have I. Uh ... he said ... / __ __ playing snooker with Kirk Stevens. / ... But ... so, this Mr. Martin, ... / Yeah, / ... he is a Canadian MP. He's in the House of Parliament / the point is / pants / become a news story / just / would you just ... wouldn't you find some other excuse? / Yeah. Surely. / Right. You are an MP, right? / Let's role-play it. / Right. / Have I got tight pants on? / You are an MP. You've been ... per ... you've ... you've impulse-bought some pants. / Yeah. Sure. / You've bought cheap ones / half price / I'm quite pleased with this at the moment because I think / bargain / So far so good. You've got half-priced pants on you / OK / how long __ __ __? Because that __ __ my mood. / It doesn't say. ... But he's finding it difficult to sit for a length of time / So, he a ... he askes the Speaker if he can leave / Sorry about ... sorry about this, but can you just shift up a little, I'm just ... / yeah, just need to, uh ... that's it. Wooo / ... The Speaker of the House ordered Mr. Martin to sit back down. He kept standing up / if you were ... if you were this guy, though ... / Yes, Mr. Martin? / __ __ __ __ / Carry on / Mr. Martin, Labor. / Carry on / 労働党のマーチン君 ... / 議長、違うんです。パンツがきつくて座ってられないんです。 どうぞ会議を続けてください。/ no, no. I'm just, uh, stretching my legs ... oh, it's so comfy / What I don't understand is, why ... why would ... why wouldn't you just give / different excuse / somebody / I've had a text / my wife is ill, or my kid is in trouble in school / what would you go with / pants are too tight / was clearly standing up, right, which you can't explain / receiving a text / phone call / テキストや電話は、立ち上がったことの理由としては弱い / right? That's important. / そこが肝心だ / But / issue here / they must have been agonizingly tight to have caused that much grief. So, why didn't he, the first time he put them on / a bit tight / Maybe he thought / a bit tight? / Maybe he thought / get away with it / driven by __ thought that __ __ such a bargain. / just / not quite good / it was such a bargain / He was ... "He was / trying to rush / cast his ballot / it says. Talking of euphemisms __ __ ... talking of euphemisms, right, ... / Yeah. / uh ... the other day, I was, uh ... / This is all __ exciting __ __ dodgy ground, this. / Well, I was looking ... / I'm looking forward to __ how you deal with this on the radio. / the thing is ... is it me? I see innuendo everywhere / he bought his pants because he was keen to cast his ballot", immediately, I __ __ ... I'm like, "That sounds like an innuendo". It doesn't really, does it? / I mean, it really doesn't. That doesn't. / Why ... why / in such tight pants / I want to cast my ballot / If you read some things in a certain way ... / Yeah, / ... to me, everything sounds __ __ innuendo. / Oh, __ used to play this one / when / student / play a innuendo neighbours / Did you? / So, every sentence was an innuendo. That is really funny. / Was it? / Oh, 'cause eventually ... initially ... at the beginning, it isn't __ __ __ innuendo __ and eventually becomes / everything / let me read ... uh ... you tell me which one of these / I __ __ __ __ / this / Right. / This is a flashback to be in a university. Let's go. / This is in the Sun newspaper, / OK, / and they have ... they ha ... it's a totally innocuous ... it's a ... as far as I can see, uh ... __ is somebody called Val, who is a gardening expert. ... and every d... / I've started already. I am sorry. / every day, or every week ... / Yeah? / ... whatever, I don't know ... you ask Val a gardening question. / __ __ / It looks like Gardeners' Question Time, but in ... but in the newspaper. / OK / I'll read them ... / Ask Val the gardener / I'll read them. You stop me if something is not an innuendo / is not an innuendo? / Everything __ says is / innuendo / Got it. / ... Sorry, every question even is an innuendo. Even __ the questions. ... Right. You Ask Val, is the column name. / What is causing brown patches on my conifer hedge?

"Rhod, ..." __ in Carmarthen, "... I dip my chips in orange juice." ... What? / Why the hell would you do that? / This is a revelation. / Are you gonna try this, do you think, or is this something you __ just not / even / you just / rejected out of hand / well / orange / out of hand. I don't get it. / I don't get it. "I once dipped a chip in __ Mr. Whippy ... " Doing it once - forgivable. ... "I can't remember why / I was just curious / Cardiff / realized / too weird to make it a thing." / ... Here is your euphemism again. / Uh ... / Hi Rhod and Korkey. This might actually blow your mind. / Here we go. / Uh ... I'd better read on just in case __ __ actually, physically __blow__ our minds / what if / blown as well / Huh, good point. What if / both our minds are blown? / 二人とも頭真っ白になったらどうしよう / you still / お前の頭に残るのは ... / image / girl / bath / with her dog. ... I can see it / a little dreem cloud above your head there. What was her name? Tracy? pam ... / Rosy. / Tracy and Rosy pampering themselves. Uh ... "Hi Rhod and Korkey / might actually blow your mind / but I know someone who goes to a big fast-food restaurant ... / Yeah, / ... and orders fries and their version of dessert, which includes ice cream, and he dips the fries in the ice cream / thing / we're not aware of. / Yeah. __ from Glasgow, again, "I knew someone who would insist on chips / cheeze and gravy / madness / yeah / that's all right / what it's boiling down to is, "savory and savory" or "savory and sweet". This is what this is. / Yeah, it probably is. ... Oh, "Hi Rhod and Korkey, ... " / Hi. / "... Earlier on, Tracy and Rosy / show / go / your imagination __ r__n amok." / Oh yeah. / This is from Gavin, aged 46 and 3/4. / Right. / And Birtie __ __ __, / Heh heh heh ... / ... says, / earlier on, Tracy and Rosy / in the bath / and your imagination / let me bring you back down to earth by telling you I'm also listening in the bath. "I'm sorry for my disappointing email.", says David / I / to dip chips in sauce" / to dip chips / sauce, mate / take it or not. / ポテトフライに邪道なソースが添えられていることはある。そこで流されるままにつけて食べるかどうかが人生の分かれ目だ。/ which I like a lot / taking it / てことは、つけて食べたんだな / so, it's different. Uh ... / ... although / doesn't work as well / Is that odd enough for you? / rather agressively. / Hmm ... / ... Yeah / yeah / that counts ... 'cause mint ... mint is, uh ... / where does mint play / your sweet and savory? / Savory. / You think mint is savory? / Mmm. / Do you? / Yes. Like, you know, / kind of ... / yeah / jelly is a sweeter version. But it's even that is kind of / yeah, but / a bit / sugar / yeah, fair point / compared to / strawberry jam / is it? / it's not even worth / feature, that / a lot of Americans dip their fries into milk shakes.", says __ / Well well. / Now then, it's time, Korkey, to, uh ... to play our Real Man Quiz. / Real Man Quiz ! / Right. Last week we __ played Real Man Quiz / with Lloyd Langford / in that paper, / it says / 50 things every chap should know. I didn't have time to go through / fifty of them / more than 50% right, then he is a real man. / Great. / Lloyd got 11.5 out of 22. / Did well. Well done, Lloyd. / The only reason he got the .5 ... / Huh huh, / ... which nudged him into real man territory, was because I said to him / you need / socks up / Can you do that? / and he said / Yes. / Fair enough. / Right / that's the only reason / quite generous, mate / quite generous / Well, that relaxes me. / I was loose with he rules. / Excellent. / Right. / ask you some things / Great. / OK / let me see / some of the things / Lloyd couldn't do, perhaps. ... / Can you ... / Uh, shall I ask the same ones as him, or different ones? / Hmm ... / Or a mix? / __ same __ probably good / fun / good j__, innit? / Is it? / home / 've answered / those / before / Huh, yeah, true. I don't know / anybody / bothered / anybody / sat in the car / go / Saturday / go into / DIY shop, __ __ get you __ stuff / Fifty Shades of Grey / apparently there / a lot / read about that / I know / DIY stores and buying things / apparently everyone's going / DIY stores / buying things __ __ __ to do with / fifty / plumbers can't get gaffa tapes for __ __ money / Shades of Grey / women / well, I imagine / a little embarrassed / going in and saying things like "Have you got a ... a hammer and piece of 4-by-2, and a blindfold / what / 4-by-2 for? / I don't know / I haven't see the film. ... But / go / and the staff in these shops, you know, / poor staff / embarrassed / you know / what / this for / to these, uh, DIY stores and asking the staff awkward questions about / things / can this be, uh ... is this edible? / Is this screw driver edible? ... Is this ... is this set of 48-piece toolbox edible?" ... stuff like that. ... "Can I use this __ __ blindfolding? / how / plain career bag / it / Is it? / Yeah. / No. Wait. I don't understand the plain plastic bag thing. If you've gone into A: well-known ... out-of-town / independent / well-known / DIY retailer, right, if you walk out with a bag from that retailer, right / yeah, / if you walk / why isn't that ... why would somebody / a bit of / plain plastic bag __ coming of __ DIY retailer / Well, 'cause / 90% of sales / moment / did you just make that statistics up? / think / anyone walking down / you've never done any DIY / in there / 4-by-2 __ __ 48-piece toolbox / Yeah / OK. / And a door bell. / Real Man Quiz. ... A door bell? ... Why would you have a door bell in there? / __ __, mate. I've seen the film. / You've got some odd fantasy __ __ __ / Bing-bong / Come on / 4 by 2 / Bing-bong / __ Spanner? ... Right. / Hit me with a __. Go. Let's go / Let's have some music. I can't do this.

Real Man Quiz. Uh ... "Are you a real man?" Right? / You've got to get 50% / more than half / real man / play along at home / get right, you're a real woman / might raise more issues / Right. / OK. .... 'Cause this is apparently / based in science. "Researchers / unveiled a list of things every real man should know / how / real man is, but they have / doesn't matter. / Who cares? / Yeah. / Can you ... / Yeah, / I don't even know what this means. / OK. / Can you parallel-park? / Yes. / What does it mean? / When there's a parking space, you drive ... ahead of it, and then you back into it. / Why is that "parallel"? / 'cause / parallel / to the car, that, you know. / Yeah. / It's one of my, um, strengths. / One of your great ... your proudest moment? / It is. I'm particularly good at that. My gran gave me / great advice once on that / she / your gran / parallel parking advice / she was / 40's or 50's or something, and she said, the advice was, uh, when you reverse back / you / full lock / turn back earlier than you think you should, and then / get in all right / and it works like a charm. ... There we are. I'll give you that. / I don't know about that. / Do I get a bonus point? / No. ... But your ... your gran does / Try it, everyone. / So far, your gran's a real man. / uh / Yeah. So, one from one? / Yeah. / OK. / OK. / Do you know what wires represent earth, live and neutral? ... I can't believe you put your head in your hands. / Yes, I can. / Huh. He can, ladies and gentlemen. He's put his head in his hands, suggesting that he's struggling with it. / OK. Earth is, uh, green and yellow / bear in mind / because / I haven't got the answers. / all right / tell you / I know / when I was 15 years old / worked / sit down, everybody, ladies and gentlemen ... other shops are available ... / but I didn't work in them / Carmarthen / brilliant. Here we go. 2, __ Street. Other streets are available. / I know that, uh, earth is green and yellow because, uh, the logic is / should obviously be brown / which is neutral, I think, and, in my mind, earth should be brown 'cause / obviously make sense because the color makes sense / in a skewed way, I tell myself / brown isn't / Well, ladies and gentlemen, if anybody at home is thinking / I wanna see / Korkey's working out / what / Korkey / working / plug / there it is / There it is, ladies and gentlemen, there it is / So, my answer is ... / the contents of Korkey's mind spews out / yellow / brown, neutral, / No, it's live, you plonka. You plonka. / and then the other / brown is live / 茶色は活線だ / blue is neutral / so / well, that's ridiculous / Why is that ridiculous? / brown is earth for obvious reasons, then the ones that are jazzier in color, which is yellow / should be live / let's face it, red / Why should green be live? / life is green, innit? / plants are green / jazzy sort of neon color / yeah. You know / make it / Mate, we are talking about plugs / know / People said it was boring / when we were talking about chips / ポテトフライの話は退屈だと皆に言われたが、こいつはさらに ... / ... All right. One ... / one out of two. / Yeah. / Do you know ... / So far, I'm a real man / so far, you are a real man. / 50% / Should we stop? / Do you know / I'm gonna give you one that Lloyd got wrong / Good pressure / no pressure / OK. / Do you know ... / Huh huh? / ... the right amount of after-shave to use? Now Lloyd / gave / I ridiculed it. I ridiculed it 'cause he gave me a figure that __ way too much. But ... again, I haven't / right answer / go / I think is the right answer. / OK / right / to use / well, this is clearly an opinion-based thing. However, I would suggest / this is / objective, definitive amount / right answer / My answer is, Rhod, / Yeah, / that, these days ... bear in mind, all after-shaves, as such / smelly / come in spray form / I would say / After-shaves don't / eau de toilette, that is. / kind of / I / one spray and one spray on either side of your neck, and maybe / that's eau de toilette / so, whatever that is millilitres / That's eau de toilette, though. / splash / my hand, like / splash / like Henry Cooper? / No one does that any more. / They do, I think. / after-shave on / eau de toilette / Yes, which / you spray it / you might / this is after-shave / put / where you shaved, / しかしアフターシェーブは剃ったところにつけるもんだぞ / like / alcohol / thing / to disinfect / unless you're sixty-plus, no one does that any more / what's the right amount? / all right / right / well / sort / let me / so, uh ... / 15 drops. / What? / 15 drops, and you spread it on both hands like that, and you / splash / on your face / huge / No, no. Drops. / you / put / in my hand / in the middle of my hand / I understand / that's a massive amount / is it? / Lloyd said 5 millilitres / that's quite a lot / that's like take a medicine / small puddle in your hand / five / for sure / two / 3. / ... I'll give you that. / Yes ! / for / j__ of quiz / two out of three / do you know / researchers have established that, if you know your parents' address, you are a real man, apparently. / 両親の住所を知っていれば男として合格だと専門家は言うのだが ... / do you know / what / give / take / prove / wrong either way / all right. / No.6 / That's wrong. ... I happen to know that's wrong. I'm not giving you that / that. Two out of four. / Oh, that's harsh / It's not gonna be easy. It's a Real Man Quiz.

And if you enjoyed / whole show? / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1 / And, don't forget, BBC2 / Tuesday / 10 P.M. / it's Rhod Gilbert's Work Experience, Series 5.

よろしければこちらもどうぞ↓

Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト